Me

This is me or was that me
was the earlier me real or the now me real
the doubts creep in my head
the identity
my own identity seems to be running away from me

I wanna catch it now
I wanna hold it close
And search the real me
though it would have been easier if I had known
which part of me I own

Confusions, contradictions bug my head
I just want to run away
Run away from the pain
Run away from the love
Run away from everything that was me

I was an honest one
did I corrupt my mind
did the world do this to me
I got no answers
Running away seem so right

Confusions, contradictions bug my head
I just want to run away
Run away from the pain
Run away from the love
Run away from everything that was me

! Coward !

Hey all,

I know its been a long time, and yeah i haven't given complete justice to the promise i made while starting this blog..but not even a single day went by when i didn't think about fullfilling my blog promise :(

So much happened in the past couple of months, i don't know how to list them all, but a few things stand out :

1. I got settled in a job with a bpo, and though its not a calling profile, its not even what i am supposed to do after working my ass hard to complete four years of Engineering studies ! However, the money is not an issue that i am facing right now ;-)

2. I had this weird incidence sometime back, that when i think about it, it gives me shivers. Though i am supposed to be a coward as an outcome of that event, i don't regret running away from the situation. I was driving, and then pulled over to drop someone, and the next moment, a strong guy (yeah, i accept, he had a better built than me) on a bike surfaced near my window and asked me to lower the glasses. I did, however, something inside me just stopped me short and i pulled down just enought to let that guy talk to me one on one. Then, he asked me to come out of the car...i brain acted smart enough to not just do that. The next thing i remember is a run-chase sequence that would make a bollywood potboiler a hit. At the next light, the guy managed to get my car blocked and he banged on the car (some dents are still afresh). However, i still appreciate my brain that it worked fine...and the way i maneouvered the roads and drove after that...would remain etched inside my heart forever. But, what happened (don't know for sure, why it happened !) is not what frightens me. I get shivers when i think about what i read in the newspapers about lives ending in road-rage on delhi roads, and about how easily people lose patience. I get terrified when i think about the fact that if my brain had managed to stop working or, my adrenaline would have pumped me enough to get into a tussle with that pyscho, god knows if i would have found my name there in the newspapers the next day :O

3. I am dead stuck in the fight between my ambitions and the current economic recession, i made this list of what i plan to achieve in next 3, 5, 10..and so on, years. I know the plans are big, but i believe in the adage "Shoot for the stars, you will land up in the sky" :D

4. I managed to write a song, all this while ;-)

Set me free, set me flying,

I can't live on, you know i'm dying,

Think of pain as my right,

not that i plan to fight it,

from what i have,

and what i ought to be,

suffering is what i get.

The pain seems an ecstasy,

i don't wanna backout.

I stand by my faith,

searching for a chance.

A chance to live and a chance to try,

coz i want to fly,

dream like i never had,

with her by my side,

i should care less.

Care less for the world so mean,

the life i want, would they ever give?

should i care about them, would i ever live?

The answers i can't find,

know for sure, you are by my side.

Set me free, set me flying,
I can't live on, you know i'm dying,